Zachariah's Boyfriend Application

📋 Base Stats

Name: Zach

Age: 27

Height: 5'9"

Occupation: Software Engineer

Family Goals: Want kids one day (but not right now)

What I'm Looking For: My partner, best friend, and wifey

💍

🧠 About Me / The Lore

Lover of dark humor and deep convos. Grew up on SpongeBob, raised by a therapist mom who taught me feelings are valid but also hilarious. Fueled by Vietnamese iced lattes and random Wikipedia spirals at 2 AM. Emotionally fluent, slightly unhinged, always curious about why people do the things they do.

"I'm the guy who will laugh at your dark jokes and then ask if you're okay."

☕

💡 Core Values

Faith-Centered Life – My life is centered around Christ and the Lord

Authenticity – Life's too short to fake it

Growth Mindset – Always leveling up

Empathy – Judge less, love more

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🏋️‍♂️ Activities That Keep Me From Texting Back

🎸 Learning guitar — Currently know 3 chords and have a dream of playing "Wonderwall" without cringing

🎧 Podcast addict — Basically training to become a hot NPR dad who gets genuinely excited about investigative journalism

☕ Coffee chaser — Will absolutely fight someone for parking and a perfect cortado. Vietnamese iced lattes are my love language

💪 Gym rat — Let's lift heavy things and trauma bond over protein shakes and existential dread

🎬 Film buff — Love movies that make you question humanity and your life choices

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😬 Stuff You'd Never Guess

🦷 The Great Teeth Incident: Walked into a pole when I was 10 while pretending to be blind (don't ask why) and lost my front teeth. Now I have a great dentist and I am rocking porcelain

🦫 Beaver enthusiast: Wanted to be a zoologist as a kid. Favorite animal? Beavers. They're fat, helpful, and iconic. We could all learn from beavers

🎭 Dramatic film connoisseur: Give me movies about humanity's hard choices and moral dilemmas. I will cry and then want to discuss the cinematography

📚 YouTube rabbit holes: Can spend 4 hours learning about medieval siege tactics or why flamingos are pink. No topic is too random

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💝 What I'm Looking For

My ideal partner is someone who gets it. You don't have to be perfect, but you should be working on yourself and know what you want. I'm looking for someone who can laugh at life's absurdities while still taking the important stuff seriously.

🧠 Intellectually Curious

You love learning new things and can have deep conversations about everything from philosophy to why pineapple on pizza is actually good

😂 Sense of Humor

You can appreciate dark humor, dad jokes, and the occasional meme. Bonus points if you can make me laugh until my sides hurt

💪 Emotionally Mature

You know how to communicate, handle conflict, and aren't afraid of feelings. Therapy? We love therapy in this house

🎯 Goal-Oriented

You have your own passions and ambitions. You're not looking for someone to complete you—you're already whole

☕ Adventure Partner

Down for spontaneous coffee runs, trying new restaurants, or just staying in and binge-watching documentaries

✨ Authentic

You're comfortable being yourself, weird quirks and all. No games, no pretending—just real, genuine connection

Most importantly: you're looking for a partner in Christ. Someone who shares my faith and wants to grow together spiritually while building something beautiful.

✝️

📊 Features, Not Bugs

Emotional Intelligence

High

Cuddle Frequency

Daily

Unsolicited Trivia

Constant

Favorite Colors

Deep Sea Blue & Forest Green

Your Future Boyfriend